real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
