Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
