Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
