Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
