Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
