This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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