Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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