eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
