I think I died a long time ago.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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