dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
