I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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