I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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