His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
