It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize