At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
