I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
