I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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