I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
