Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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