I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
