I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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