HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
