Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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