he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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