Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
