I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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