To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
