Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
