I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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