GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
