Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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