Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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