He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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