Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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