Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
