Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Girls should come with a carfax report
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
