Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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