They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You pole danced in your parka.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
