3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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