apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
