Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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