Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
