Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were trust falling into bushes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
