my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
