My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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