So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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