i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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