we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize