I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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