last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
