I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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