I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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