Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
