I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
