Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
