I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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