He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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