i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
