wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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