If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
