I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Come on in and take your pants off
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