I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize