walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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