Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
