Don't make out with my wife yet
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
