Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize