Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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