You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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