my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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