The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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