Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
