normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
