Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
