Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
