you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
