My room smells like vodka and shame
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
