$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
