I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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