Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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