does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
