So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
