Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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