6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
