He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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