a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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