This is not my ceiling
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
