You're completely useless in the revolution.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
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