dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
