OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
