You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
