My hand turned me down
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
