he puts the penis in happiness.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
