I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize