i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize