don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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