I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
