Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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