I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
