There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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