i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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