I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
