I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
