Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
