Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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