i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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