my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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