Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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