So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
