was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
