i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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