I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
