Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
