M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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