JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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