it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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