it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
