i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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